I don’t mean that using automobile turn signals should be optional. I just figured since less the 30 percent of the population uses them, why pay for them? 

I guess turn signals are just too tough to operate nowadays with simultaneously needing to suck down a double latte while text messaging your friend about who got kicked off ego-bruising island.

Heck, while we are at it, let’s add a few more things to the “options list” you could leave off your next car purchase: 

• Spare tire — Unless it is a game on the latest PlayStation®, no one will know how to change it anyway. 

• Radio speakers — iPod headphones work just fine — block out the screams of pedestrians. 

• Steering wheel – You are all over the road anyway — does the steering wheel help? 

• Headlights – On when they don’t need to be; off when you need them — did you think all those people flashing you were warning you of upcoming cops? 

• Ashtray — That is what you use the road for, right? 

Lastly, I would like everyone’s cell phone number to be the same as his or her license plate. That way I could call them and tell them to get off the road…

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