Ok, here is the deal. The Oglala Sioux Tribe is suing Anheuser-Busch and a few other beer makers because, well, they reservation people are drinking too much beer.
Just outside the reservation in Whiteclay, Nebraska there are four beer shops that sold nearly five million cans of beer in 2010.
The Tribe argues that their people are coming to the stores, buying the beer, and are “smuggling” it back to the reservation (where they, presumably, drink it).
You want $500M because you can’t stop drinking beer?
Ok, here is who I am going to sue and on what basis…
- Maserati – I can’t really afford to buy the one I want (or my spouse won’t let me). They should stop any and all advertisements so I don’t have to see them. Suit amount: $23M
- Flippers Pizza – Because they make such a damn good pizza I want one every week. Suit amount: $45M
- Rolex – Because they don’t make an attractive watch that I would want to buy. Suit amount: $3M
- Hostess – Because the Twinkies they have now just don’t taste the same as the ones I had as a kid. Suit amount: $289M
- Apple – Because they make me buy every new gadget they come out with (from day one). Suit amount: $237M*
- Diet Pepsi – Because I drink too many and it must be their fault. Suit amount: $5.00
- McDonald’s – For making the McRib Sandwich. Suit amount: $282
- George Lucas – For making the prequels to Star Wars. Suit amount: $282M
*They can afford it
OK, back to the reservation…
So why not just start selling the beer on your own reservation and keep the profits to fight any “abuse?” Nah, that would be too easy…
Who are you going to sue?