Submitted to The Slow Bleed this week:
BREAKING NEWS ABOUT NATIONAL HEALTH PLAN
Democrats, realizing the success of the President’s “Cash For Clunkers” rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.
President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal, which is named, “Cash for Codgers.”
“Cash for Codgers” works like this…
Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.
Special “Bonuses” will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.
Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.
All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.
Fine, I suppose this is where you look for some witty insights to my mind. A "bio" of sorts. Here is the deal... I ride motorcycles, smoke cigars, golf, kayak, fly, race my car through the mountains, write (a lot), and travel extensively. I am almost old enough not to care what other people think about me...almost. ~Godfadr
I love this!
Will Dr Kevorkian be brought back up to administer Toxic Injections, given he has the experience to ensure a quick painless procedure?
I just realized something Godfather…one of these years you’ll be in that codger category…do you really want to be advertising this where your kids can read about it???
I suppose I should have thought this one through. I guess this post will need the “self destruct” feature added to it.
Godfather,
Wanted to let you know I showed this to some radio friends of mine who have turned this into a parody news story and are currently airing it on a couple of stations. I can send you a copy of what they are airing if you’ll email me. burns_jn@hotmail.com