Everyone knows there are just some topics you don’t want to bring up at a family reunion or in an email exchange. Unchecked, these debates can be frustrating as every family member operates under a different set of rules.
In an effort create a both intellectual and stimulating debate format among family members, I submitted the following 2011-2012 Debate Rules and Regulations for my family’s consideration.
I. Level One Debate Topics
Which makes better pets, dogs or cats?
Who has the best fast food, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, or Taco Bell?
Ginger or MaryAnne?
Coke or Pepsi?
Any Television show aired before 10:00pm
Requirement to participate in Level One Debates: Internet connection, Breathing.
Rules of Engagement: Discussions are limited to 123 words or less and must contain 122 words on the original topic.
II. Level Two Debate Topics
Coke; Original Formula or New Formula
Pizza Rolls: Old Recipe or new recipe
Best Football Team (although the correct answer will only be Packers).
Harley’s vs. Honda’s.
Best Late Night Talk Show Host (alive or dead).
Top Ten Comedians.
Anything Golf or Tennis Related
Requirement to participate in Level Two Debates: Internet connection, Breathing, Taste buds, Better than 200/200 vision (with glasses), sense of humor.
Rules of Engagement: Discussions will be limited to in person, pool side conversations, or live taste tests.
III. Level Three Debate Topics
Finance (personal)
Finance (State Governments)
Automobiles
Best Beer
Best Martini
Anything to do with shopping.
Requirement to participate in Level Three Debates: Internet connection, Breathing, Ability to operate a calculator (before and after consuming a beer).
Rules of Engagement: Discussions are limited to verifiable Facts, Figures and Interpretive Dance.
IV. Level Four Debate Topics
Politics, Religion, and Proper techniques for cooking Brats.
Requirement to participate in Level Four Debates: Successful completion of psychological profile, stress tests, and notarized approval from current attending physician.
Rules of Engagement: Complete Anything Goes Forum. Any attacks on personal character may include and not be limited to person’s alive or dead, conscience or sub conscience thoughts, past lives, interpretation of past lives, demonic or angelic possessions, alien influence, and height.
Lastly, the following topic is forbidden at any level…
Who makes the best Key Lime Pie? (answer: Grandma).
Any questions about these rules can be submitted in writing (although they will probably end up in a junk folder or referred to Snopes).
Ready? Debate!
Fine, I suppose this is where you look for some witty insights to my mind. A "bio" of sorts. Here is the deal... I ride motorcycles, smoke cigars, golf, kayak, fly, race my car through the mountains, write (a lot), and travel extensively. I am almost old enough not to care what other people think about me...almost. ~Godfadr
Level Two debate- I’m violating the rules of engagement by not doing this in person, poolside or during a tasting event, that and you violated so many articels of debate, social decorum, the Articles of Confederation, The Declaration of Independence, The Geneva Convention, and the Emancipation Proclamation by even entertaining the idea that the Packers are the best football team. Therefore, this form of technological guerilla warfare had to be undertaken:
Despite current seasons statistical analyses, the 49ers will and shall forever be the Greatest Football Team….EVER!