I can’t say that I fully understand social media. Granted I have a blog (here) and I do have a Facebook account (and Twitter, but that is a whole other rant).
I don’t think I know what to do with it, and I certainly am not making any money off of it, but it is fun to see that people read my “updates” almost more than they read this blog.
As you can tell by the list of 2010 Facebook (Godfadr) Updates below, it is not as if I have said anything worth repeating…and yet people do. ~ Go Figure.
Godfadr’s 2010 Facebook Status Updates…
*The ones in italics made it to my inbox, and I am sharing, but not sure where they originated.
Godfadr Oh Monday. You are kind of like the fat kid from elementary school you never wanted on the other Red Rover team.
Godfadr If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together; their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Godfadr Painting the house. I realized there are only two key steps to painting well. 1. Good prep work. 2. Hire someone else. (I should have done either one).
Godfadr The new-to-me person that is supposed to cut my hair is wearing a hat. Is that a bad sign?
Godfadr I think some people need to get their Milk Carton photo ready…
Godfadr Maybe I should give Monday a second chance?! Nah, I am moving on…(post on Tuesday)
Godfadr Dear Monday. I think you get here on the “short bus” compared to how the other days arrive.
Godfadr Seriously. If you don’t want an honest answer, then don’t ask me a question. I think they have groups for the warm fuzzy stuff.
Godfadr The status update you are looking for is not in service. If you feel you have reached Fred’s update in error, please try again. ERROR CODE: WTF
Godfadr Dear Monday, this is no way to begin a week long relationship. Let’s just consider this a “speed date” and move on shall we?
Godfadr They say, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” but it is also the basis of most opinions as far as I can tell…
Godfadr Today I will get some work done. I will not procras…..
Godfadr It’s Not Information Overload. It’s Filter Failure.
Godfadr ”I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.” – Mark Twain
Godfadr Is it me or does reality and the brochure not really match much?
Godfadr I am not going to update my status…you can’t make me.
Godfadr can’t figure out why all my friends and co-workers from years ago look older…weird.
Godfadr I think people accused of being “random” are just not letting the other people around them catch up first. You can only be as quick witted as the slowest person next to you.
Godfadr WTF?! Blocking iPhone 4 antenna kills reception. Blocking mic kills audio, and covering the screen makes it impossible to see the display. – go figure!
Godfadr It is ok to talk to yourself. It is even ok to argue with yourself, but if you start losing the argument you have a problem.
Godfadr If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won. – Mumford and Sons
Godfadr What’s another name for thesaurus? (old joke)
Godfadr By the time you finish reading this it will be over.
Godfadr It’s Friday. Paint chips and glue for everyone!
Godfadr Using Facebook to prove you have a social life is like drinking Tang proves you are an astronaut.
Godfadr I don’t really get all the arguing over the “glass is half full or half empty” stuff. Just use a smaller glass next time….sheesh.
Godfadr Have you noticed sometimes when you read someone’s status update it is a complete waste of time? They actually don’t say anything, they just ramble on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on…God I hate people like that.
Godfadr is not for everyone. Complications may arise. Consult your doctor to see if you actually have a sense of humor.
Godfadr I lost the Amelia Earhart movie. In retrospect, I really shouldn’t be surprised.
Godfadr Sign in bar: “If you are drinking to forget, please pay in advance.”
Godfadr I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
Godfadr It is ok to talk to yourself. Just don’t answer yourself. That causes arguments and you don’t want to be caught arguing with yourself. That just looks crazy.
Godfadr Money won’t make you happy. But money does buy chocolate and that just might (for a little while).
GodfadrIf I was to make a Facebook “bucket list”… I am pretty sure checking my status update would not be on the list…
Godfadr Pretty sure I am stuck on The Truman Show. You can all come out now!
Godfadr Waldo and Dora just need to get a GPS already. Sheeesh.
Godfadr Did you think when you were younger that one day you would be staring at a “wall” looking for updates?
Godfadr Seriously, if you are over 28-years-old, your High School class ring and graduation tassel go in a box with family photos and your 1st grade turkey-made-from-your-hand-drawing.
Godfadr I think I will change my status on an hourly basis so people think I have an incredible day (and yet not away from the computer).
Godfadr Hey, did I “friend” you? Sorry, I think Facebook is validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Godfadr In an attempt to keep up with current trends, Fred’s Facebook status will now be available in 3-D. – For best results, put on your special glasses now.
Godfadr Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
Godfadr It’s so simple to be considered smart. When you think of something stupid to say, just don’t say it.
Godfadr At what point will the #2 pencil get to move to #1? I have never even seen a #1 pencil in person!
Godfadrthinks too many people in this world must have played the game, “Hey, let’s drink what is under the sink”
Godfadr Seeing too many positive Monday status updates today; Saying Monday is “just like the other days” is the same as saying a “Knight in Shining Armor” is the same as an “Idiot in Tinfoil.”
GodfadrNot making my bed in the morning for the same reason I don’t tie my shoes after I take them off…what’s the point? – Jim Gaffigan
Godfadr Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
Godfadr Summer Warning: Do not look directly at Fred’s Facebook status updates. Consider using one of those cardboard cutouts from Elementary School to look at eclipses.
Godfadr As soon as someone lets me out, I will think outside the box.
GodfadrMore Rain? WARNING: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly. – you have been informed.
GodfadrDear Monday, I think we should stop seeing each other. If you had a phone with voice mail I would just break up with you that way…
Godfadr Does anyone know what disease “cured ham” had? I must have missed that After School Special.
GodfadrI don’t believe in predictions, but I have a feeling some day I will.
Godfadr I think I should always trust my intuition…unless of course I get a feeling I shouldn’t.
Godfadr takes full responsibility for his actions…unless of course it was someone else’s fault or the people involved are idiots.
Godfadr I am not a real Therapist; I just play one on FaceBook. But you can still leave your issues below…
Godfadr A month ago, I really hated politicians…today I discovered I was just cooking them wrong.
Godfadr has zero intentions of pleasing other people with this update today. If you don’t like it, you can leave the same way you found this page.
Godfadr would have a longer attention span if things were not always…
Godfadr wonders if everyday is a gift, where do I return “Monday’s” for a full refund?
GodfadrI am way too old to just now realize that I never picked up my inner child from daycare.
Godfadr Dear Friday, although you left me in the middle of the night last week, without saying goodbye, I still take you back 
Godfadr Dear Thursday, stop faking it, you are just being used! When will you realize the cool kids only let you hang out with them so they can see your friend Friday? ~ Just be yourself!
Godfadr Dear Wednesday, Your PR team can push “hump day” all it wants but I am pretty sure you are still just an insecure “week is half empty” sort of day.
Godfadr Dear Tuesday, I would like to tell you our relationship means something to me, but really you are just a rebound after Monday.
Godfadr Dear Monday, I think we should see other days. Frankly it is not working out. It is not me, it is you.
Godfadr Good morning Facebook addicts. Your meeting will begin now and last for 14 hours.
Godfadr I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity.
Godfadr Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Godfadr Ignorance is only a lack of education, whereas stupid is the willful act of not accepting education.
Godfadr I thought “typos” were the universal blood donor?
Godfadr I know you don’t get to choose your family or friends, but what is the chance of a refund?
Godfadr is wondering how he ever got on the long bus…
Godfadr can finally wear his bunny suit without being mocked! – Happy Easter!
Godfadr Friday AND 84 degrees? Work would just be an annoying third wheel on this date!
Godfadr </Stupidity>
Godfadr now has super fast 87G on Phone WARS. (ok, there really isn’t such a game, but I feel left out since I don’t play the others…)
Godfadr is going to use Jedi mind tricks to steal Girl Scout cookies from the dark side.
Godfadr Some people need to shift gears…they are stuck in Stupid.
Godfadr is now friends with your mother.
Godfadr has a blind date with destiny and it looks like she has ordered the lobster!
Godfadr says it may take 42 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm out and smack someone in the head.
Godfadr dreams of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!
Godfadr says silence is golden but duct tape is silver!
Godfadr Caution: Status update may contain sharp edges. Please wear safety gloves and eye protection at all times.
Godfadr Food Allergy Warning: This status update may contain Peanuts or comments derived from Peanut Oil. Please consult your doctor if needed before consuming.
Godfadr The use of flash photography on this Facebook page is strictly prohibited.
Godfadr The status claims made about Fred through this site have not been evaluated by the United States Food and Drug Administration and are not approved to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease.
Godfadr Due to a high volume of traffic today, Fred’s status updates are running late…please check back later.
Godfadr In retrospect, watching the movie “Precious” while have a hot fudge sundae was not one of my better choices. – I’m just saying…
Godfadr You ever noticed how the weekly abbreviations work? M then T. The rest of the week is WTF.
Godfadr says if at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving probably isn’t for you…
Godfadr figures just because nobody understands you, that doesn’t make you an artist.
Godfadr is going to start keeping a fake journal claiming he’s done monumental stuff, so if he ever develops amnesia, he’s gonna think he’s freakin’ amazing!
Godfadr4 out of 5 Dentists surveyed recommended Fred’s status updates to their patients that read status updates. The 5th Dentist lives at home with his parents and does not have access to the Internet.
GodfadrWarning: Federal Law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution or exhibition of Fred’s status updates. Any infringement may constitute a fine of up to 30 minutes in WalMart and or $1.17 in pennies.
Godfadr is busy reading other statuses but your status is important to him. Please be patient. Approximate wait time…6 hours and 43 minutes.
Godfadr Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, so when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Godfadr Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Godfadr is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Fred may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Fred is right for you.
Godfadr has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…like they should be.
Godfadr –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
Godfadr has calculated that half of his Facebook friends are below average. I will not be naming anyone, I’m just saying…
Godfadr ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
Godfadr Wanted: Warmer Weather. No Heating Experience Necessary. Inquire In Person at Any Time.
Godfadr Oh Thursday, you can dress up all you want, but you will never be a Friday.
Godfadr Oh Tuesday. Clearly you did not get the inter-office memo telling you to not act like a Monday…
Godfadr Oh Monday…why do you come so soon in the week and with such neediness?
Godfadr Today I am going to practice my ability to verbally support others while mentally judging them. ~ Probably a good day to stay off the phone 
Godfadr “The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – Mark Twain (April 10, 1910).
Godfadr Today instead of dealing with situations that may annoy me, I will create melodramatic diversions. Whose in?
Godfadr Today I will hoard something I was denied as a child.
GodfadrToday I celebrate my ability to verbally support others while mentally judging them.
Godfadr Team playing is for insecure people who aren’t capable of doing things on their own.
Godfadr Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot.
Godfadr Why do people with so few clues have so much time?
Godfadr Sign of the week: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back entrance.
Godfadr Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Godfadr Is refusing to leave a status update on Facebook.
Godfadr Now I am really wishing I bought that Snickers bar I saw earlier today.
Godfadr has poor sharing skills and is surprised he lets other people use the Internet.
Godfadr If I can’t think of anything thought provoking should I still update my status and waste someone’s time? Yea, I think so….
Godfadr Here is the Facebook deal; I don’t want a farm (fake or otherwise), I don’t want to play Mafia Wars (fake or otherwise). Don’t send me Teddy Bears, Holiday Trees, Bologna, Webkins, Snuggle Bears, Ice Cream Cones, or Shamrocks. You’re all already on thin ice
Fine, I suppose this is where you look for some witty insights to my mind. A "bio" of sorts. Here is the deal... I ride motorcycles, smoke cigars, golf, kayak, fly, race my car through the mountains, write (a lot), and travel extensively. I am almost old enough not to care what other people think about me...almost. ~Godfadr
Glad to see someone else who uses Facebook for the same reason I do. Unfortunately, some people just don’t understand the hilarious possibilities there. I am amazed by some of the things people will put there. List of things inappropriate for Facebook Status updates:
ploys to get attention after an acquaintance dies
ploys to get attention after a fight with a significant other
ploys to get attention after surgery for girlie issues or hemorrhoids
cryptic messages that aren’t so cryptic but rather embarrassing for that individual
drunk rants and rages…
you get the idea
I am stealing your funny. Facebook lets me do that. (insert evil laugh)
No problem on stealing them (many already have). Secondly, I can practically see the black cat on your lap during your evil laugh rant).