Comments for The Slow Bleed

Comment on Where is my Ferrari and Job in Hawaii? by mike lovell

mike lovell — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:32:27 +0000

about $32 billion and a compound built on a private island that never suffers any major weather catastrophes….any idea where any of it is, so I can recover it? It seems my deal with the Nigerian Princes have not been panning out!

Comment on Handsome Man’s Club by Rachel

Rachel — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:35:51 +0000

That was the best thing I’ve seen all week! Thanks for posting!!!

Comment on The Problem with Socialism… by dragon6actual

dragon6actual — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:55:55 +0000

Government programs are administered by a staff known as Office of the Program Manager (OPM). However, the REAL definition of the arconym OPM is Other People’s Money – and it’s a hell of a lot easier to spend when it doesn’t come out of the spender’s pocket.

Comment on What Really Killed the Dinosaurs? by mike lovell

mike lovell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:58:21 +0000

1. Smoking (odds set at 32.6%) – Very few of the dinosaurs were able to get the cigarettes into their mouth, much less light up. Some T-Rex’s were afforded the convenience of the buddy system and had the cigarette put into their mouths and lit up after junior high basketball practice. Even given teh consideration fo secondhand smoke, the practice wasn’t prevalent enough to kill them all off..just a few who were in the wrong HMO to get teh proper diagnosis and the oxygen tank to carry around.

2. Any film with Paris Hilton (odds at 46.2%)- Clearly her idiocy transgresses not merely generations but era-crossing brain melting abilities.

3. Natural Tofu- (odds at 62.7%) Clearly anyone, including the famed Stegosaurus, on this diet would starve to death in favor of subjecting themselves to this.

4. Hostess snowballs- (odds at 62.7%) see tofu reasoning

5. Meteor collision (odds at 1.3%) – clearly a fallacy, we hadn’t invented the idea of meteorites yet. We were still only discovering fire, and merely by accident as a Pterodactyl had recently picked up the really spicy buffalo wings at a local Hooters and flew by the cavemen, letting out a flaming burp.

6. Cheese in a can (odds at 27.3%)- while laden with chemicals, this was a much better alternative to the tofu and snowballs…but more than likely it wasn’t the cheese so much as it was the huffing that sent these beasts over the edge to extinction.

7. Silly String in the eyes (odds at 45.6%) – silly string really is a m’er-f’er, especially in the eyes….if the huffing didn’t get them, the string in the eyes had a good chance. And shooting each other with silly string can be addicitive entertainment. Soner or later they all run off teh cliffs like a bunch of lemmings trying to get away, while being blided by the confectionary goo in their eyes..

Comment on J&D’s: Lips Like Bacon by Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 18:08:06 +0000

As a bacon lover, I am intrigued. Not sure I would buy it, but if they were giving out free samples, I definitely wouldn’t turn it down.

Comment on Do It Yourself Dental? by Jim Nolan

Jim Nolan — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:37:04 +0000

Mike,
Your anesthesia recipe sounds similar to Crytal Meth. I think I’d go the whiskey to drink,a bullet to bite and a rag to wipe up the mess. Orrrrr maybe rum like the old Pirates of the Carribean.
I do agree that it is a very good recomendation to collect the payment in advance

Comment on Do It Yourself Dental? by Mike Lovell

Mike Lovell — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:57:04 +0000

I believe most household cleaners, if you get it in concentration soak it up with a rag and cover their breathing holes (for those of you who don’t play a doctor on the internet, that is the technical medical term for nose and mouth), you can knock someone out pretty easily. Anesthesia DONE!

should you go intot he dental prosthetics business, since most will be one-time customers, and some might have a really bad reaction to ammonia you more or less chloroformed them with, I’d ask for payment up front.

Comment on Best Albert Einstein Quote by Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:49:07 +0000

BAM! That man was beyond brilliant.

Comment on Planet Screwed Up: Memo Proves Aliens No Longer Interested. by Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:28:00 +0000

Haha, awesome. What do you mean the aliens aren’t interested in our planet? Don’t they like toasty warm temperatures and increasingly turbulent weather patterns?

Comment on Planet Screwed Up: Memo Proves Aliens No Longer Interested. by Howell

Howell — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 12:39:11 +0000

If I saw this country I would keep flying by too.
Have to find a world with more winding curves and less straight-aways.