The Systematic Draining of America's Economy, Culture, and Pride.
I am afraid I don’t understand the whole “Occupy Wall Street” thing…
Someone help me out. What is it that [Occupy] people want?
I mean, I love the passion, but corporations play within a set of rules they are given (for the most part).
Apparently we don’t want corporations to make money, but we still want them to employ lots of people.
Got insight? Leave a comment below…
Here is a list of some of my favorite Cyber Monday Holiday Jokes and Quotes (also good for Facebook Status Updates):
“If I don’t buy my kids a new babysitter (Playstation 3), I can’t go to the bar every night.”
“At least with Cyber Monday I can avoid last years dressing room carnage. Guy in he next booth over said, ‘Hey, there’s no toilet paper in here!’
“It is impossible to put M&M’s on layaway via online. Sheesh.”
“Online shopping sucks. It is a lot harder to shove a 70-year-old out of the way on the way to a $2 waffle iron deal.”
“If I shop online on Cyber Monday I won’t’ need my Pepper Spray.”
“I am skipping Cyber Monday and praying for the safe return of Thanksgiving day turkeys. Did you know turkeys have fingernails by 6 weeks in utero? Save the turkeys!”
“Santa had it right. Visit family once a year.”
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
You can avoid this on Cyber Monday…
Customer: May I try on that dress in the window, please?
Clerk: No, ma’am. You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.
And lastly, why you don’t order food items online…
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” he stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Have any others? Share them in the comments!
Here is a list of some of my favorite Thanksgiving Day Quotes (also good for Facebook Status Updates):
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~Johnny Carson
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? —- One, but you really have to squeeze him in!
Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling off? —- Because the buckle was on his hat!
Everyday is like Thanksgiving for me…People always give me “The Bird” and tell me to “Stuff It!”
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave. ~ Dylan Brody
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat. ~ David Letterman
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. ~ Phyllis Diller
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. ~ Jay Leno
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~ Irv Kupcinet
I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.
Thanksgiving. Not a good day to be my pants.
Happy Thanksgiving and feel free to add any new ones in the comments!
Ok, I just had to laugh. I mean really Amazon, is this the best you got?
If I lock in my pre-sale order now, I can save…ready for this…$.03.
Let me spell that out…three cents.
Wow, with that kind of savings I will be much closer to the Mars Bar I have my eye on.
With the iPhone 4S hitting the streets, people have been enamored with Siri – the virtual voice assistant that comes with the new iPhone 4S.
Sure you can ask Siri a host of “normal” questions like, “Will it rain today” and “How far to the London Tower.” – but where is the fun in that?
Here is list of smart-ass answers from Siri (and feel free to leave your own in the comments section).
Q: What is your name?
Siri: “My name is Siri, but you already knew that.”
Q: What is the meaning of life?
Siri: “Try and be nice to people. Avoid eating fat. Read a good book every now that then.”
Q: Will you marry me?
Siri: “My end user licensing agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies.”
Q: How old are you?
Siri: “I’m not allowed to answer that question.”
Q: What is the best phone?
Siri: “Wait, there are other phones?”
Q: Where do babies come from?
Siri: “From their mothers.”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Siri: “To get to the other side.”
Q: I love you
Siri: “I hope you don’t say that to the other phones.”
Q: What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
Siri: “42” (reference to Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy)
Q: Open the pod bay doors.
Siri: “I’m sorry [name], I am afraid I can’t do that.” [2001 Space Odyssey Reference]
Q: Who is your daddy?
Siri: “You are. Can we get back to work now?”
Q: I need to hide a body
Siri: “What kind of place are you looking for?” [then list…mines, dumps, swamps, etc]
It seems “Siri” or Apple in general was just having a bit of fun during some late night programming. The funny part is this is the kind of stuff that will get people talking about the iPhone 4S.
We may have seriously underestimated why Apple put so much faith into Siri (even delaying an iPhone release). We can’t wait to hear more of these lines (as well as see how the Jailbreakers will have fun with it).
Find some new responses? Leave them below!
The writers of Toy Story are getting desperate.
Not a “Hey, let’s make Grease IV or Rocky XVII” kind of desperate. No, something far worse.
They are looking at…
Now, before I get too far in this rant, if you are not familiar in any way shape or form what Farmville is…consider yourself lucky, close your computer browser, and go kiss your significant other for the charmed life you live.
If you are aware of the popular game on Facebook, well, god help you.
First off, some people forget that Farmville is not real [ooops Spoiler Alert].
You are not really a farmer, you are not making any real money, and I don’t even want to know the details of how you “fertilize” someone else’s crops.
Anyway, I know Hollywood is desperate for ideas. Heck even Facebook the movie won a couple Oscars. But Farmville?
It also brings up the question…
Will Farmville fans actually go to the theater to watch the movie or would they only pretend they went the theater?
I can see the email alerts now…
Susie sent you popcorn.
Ralph buttered your popcorn.
You sold an order of M&M’s at your concession stand.
Mary wants you to join her Movie Theater Family (wait, that one is Mafia Wars).
Please Hollywood if we can get Betty White on Saturday Night Live we should be able to stop this. I will watch Message in a Bottle and Howard the Duck back-to-back if you promise not to make Farmville into a movie.
Iphone And Siri To Solve Economic Crisis
I always thought Apple was ahead of the game. It is also no surprise that Siri has her [virtual] finger on the pulse of the economy.
Now, we just need to order 25,000 iPhones and put them in the hands of virtual politicians. Oh wait, there is that whole “skylab” thing huh?
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