Hold Your Breath for 20 Minutes?

I thought I could hold my breath under water for a long time. Apparently I am nothing compared to Peter Colat.

Colat just broke the world record for holding his breath under water. His time? 19 minutes and 21 seconds.

That means if Colat recorded any 30-minute show on television he could watch it on DVR (without commercials) in one breath.

Colat said that “felt the need to breath around the 12 minute mark.”

Wow. Really? I thought there would be more to it.

I decided to research what it takes to be a professional hold-your-breath athlete. Here is what I found…

  1. Practice Holding Breath.
  2. Lose Weight
  3. Stop Smoking
  4. Splash Cold Water on Your Face
  5. Eat a Healthy Diet
  6. Only breath in 85% of Capacity
  7. Practice with a Partner
  8. Exhale Slowly
  9. Repeat 3-4 times

I’m Out…maybe they have a professional guy-who-runs-the-stopwatch-for-other-guys athlete?

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Just another BS Story by The Onion

As reported by The Onion. – Could not have put it better myself…


Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

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Where is my Ferrari and Job in Hawaii?

I found a journal the other day. Mostly pointless ramblings by a much younger version of me, but there were certainly some clear “items” that I should have experienced by now.

For starters, I was supposed to be enjoying a lucrative private detective career on Oahu Island; driving around a Ferrari and living life with my friend who flies helicopters for a living.

Clearly that one did not pan out somehow.

My second career was as a Hollywood stunt man by day and bounty hunter by night.

Never happened.

Matter of fact, I never owned a black Pontiac Trans Am that spoke to me, never captured bad guys on the streets of NY, never solved medical dilemmas in under an hour, and I never battled siblings over the direction and control of my family empire.

Man, have I got some catching up to do. Anybody else missing something?

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Handsome Man’s Club

As I searched for something to write about this morning, most of the news was fairly depressing – just not how I want to move forward on this blog (or my week for that matter).

I came across Jimmy Kimmel’s Handsome Men’s Club video (thanks Claire). Other than being a cameo appearance extravaganza, it is really funny. Enjoy!

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What Really Killed the Dinosaurs?

To (finally) end the long-time debate, scientists meeting this month have agreed on what killed the dinosaurs. Before agreeing on the evidence, the scientific community was split between seven sound theories…

• Smoking
• Any Film with Paris Hilton
• Natural Tofu
• Hostess Snowballs
• Meteor Collision
• Cheese from a Can
• Silly String in Eyes

In the end, scientist agreed the “Meteor Collision” had the soundest evidence; sighting the massive asteroid or comet smashing into Earth at Chicxulub on Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula.

The decision to back the comet theory was not unanimous.

Both Darrel Milski and Buck Jopinvich, students from University of Wisconsin, stuck by their claim that “cheese from a can” was the ultimate death of the dominating beasts.

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Budweiser Wins in Poor Economy

Well, here is a surprise. People drink in a poor economy.

When people are depressed or undergoing financial hardships, they drink. Who would have thought?

My proof? Anheuser-Busch made $1.28 billion in the last quarter of 2009. Budweiser remains the market leader in the US and Brazil.

Sure some people will say it had nothing to do with the economy but I beg to differ. If it is not due to the economy, what is it?

  • Certainly there were not that many NASCAR events going on.
  • Martha Stewart has not changed from cooking with wine to beer.
  • With the increasing shortage on chicken wings; beer and wing combos have not increased.
  • Beer is still more expensive than water (for now).

Yep, I pretty much think it was the economy but will need extensive time and money to research fully.

[Insert government approved grant here for further testing]

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J&D’s: Lips Like Bacon

Here all this time I thought cherry flavored Chap Stick was the way to women’s heart. Maybe it depends on the type of women you are after but with J & D’s new bacon flavored lip balm the possibilities seem endless.

It was one of the product “features” that got my attention: “Safe for vegetarians.”

Granted I am not up on the vegetarian market (and please speak up if you are), but who knew that vegetarians have long since been craving the flavor of bacon to be coated on their lips?

Sure, bacon flavored lip balm seems to be the end all when it comes to a domestic common ground for meat-lovers and non-meat-lovers alike…but no. All is not nirvana when it comes to the meat flavored coating.

For instance the danger of attracting bears when camping comes to mind. Bears don’t know the meaning of “no” when it comes to casual kissing so the chance of them stopping at one kiss becomes unlikely.

If for some reason you are also wearing some sort of bacon scented body spray you should just notify your next of kin that you won’t be returning from the woods anytime soon.

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